Recently I was struggling with a piano exercise. I muscled through it six ways from Sunday and it still sounded terrible. Happily, I persisted and found that if I turned my mind off, my hands could play it. It was a tiny leap of faith, something that shouldn’t make sense but did if I connected through another part of me. To my children’s dismay, after six years of lessons, I have suddenly become an avid piano practicer, playing the piece over and over to get that delightful sensation of leaping, falling, and finding the net under me.
The experience reminded me of a time that I was in a small spiritual exploration group. The group leader asked us the definition of faith. Without thinking, I said, “Seeing with my soul.” Part of the fun of spiritual life, for me, is being willing to see things differently.
When I was in the thick of parenting young kids, I remember hearing parents talk about the mental energy that teenagers require. In those days I felt so sleep deprived and touched out by my kids that “merely” needing to expend mental energy didn’t sound so bad. Now that I’m parenting a 6th, 7th, and 9th grader I feel the mental and emotional strain I heard those parents talk about years ago. My head is my home base, so I’m pretty comfortable here. However, it is essential that I put my mind in its place – a beautiful servant and a terrible master.
What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible? Maybe it is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.
Henri Nouwen
I love these words because I know them well and I recognize my mind as the Thing that Wants to Be God. In his marvelous book, Falling Upward, Richard Rohr says, “This is the burden of living in our heady and lonely time, when we think it is all up to us.”
Not that there isn’t a place for the mind. Rohr explains, “Nondualistic thinking presumes that you have first mastered dualistic clarity, but also found it insufficient for the really big issues like love, suffering, death, God, and any notion of infinity. In short, we need both.”
This is the balance I am constantly trying to meet. Raising kids, doing good work, media literacy – there are so many things that need a certain kind of careful attention, discipline, and thought. But for my life to feel full, meaningful, and Real, I need to go beyond thinking. As September winds down and I look to October, when the veil thins, I want to practice seeing with parts of me that are wiser and more ancient than my mind. I want my spiritual practices to help me remember when I was more infinite. I don’t know exactly what this looks like yet, but I’ll report back around Halloween! In the meantime, I’d love to hear about what seeing with your soul means to you. There are no wrong answers, so talk to me!
