After a month of consuming the news like it was a part-time job (and dreaming about it every damn night), I am coming back to my center. Coming back to center is often a process of remembering, and I’ve had to remember that knowing things is not the same as doing things, although the attention economy would have us believe otherwise (this is my favorite podcast on the attention economy that I’ve listened to lately). The practice of coming back to center is a big part of what we are doing when we engage in “spiritual life.” Like everything in spiritual life, it is paradoxical – we are returning to a true yet unfixed center within ourselves (home again, for the first time) in order to connect not just with ourselves but with the Biggest Big there is.
This political era is intentionally chaotic. Lots of things feel upside down; flooding the zone with shit creates a mess. And although we should not spend our precious days wading through shit, I think it’s important to engage with reality because we can’t change what we don’t accept. The main cry I have heard from so many people is a feeling of helplessness in the face of destruction. Amidst this cry, I have been thinking of the Stockdale paradox. The concept comes from Admiral James Stockdale, who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. When he was released he was asked how he managed to survive, and he said he was able to hold a paradox: the discipline to confront his brutal reality alongside full and eternal faith that he would prevail in the end. Admiral Stockale’s lesson is helpful for our spiritual look at the current situation.
For me, accepting the truth of some helplessness is potent and appropriate: it is the reminder that I am not God. I have no ability to control or fix most of this. While I am not the person suited to address certain harms, tens of millions of other people are and we are in this together. Although I am perhaps helpless alone, tens of millions of us are not helpless together. Collective power is both soothing and inspiring.
Done List
Paradoxically, accepting helplessness leads us to true action. When I am working with clients, we frequently first consider what they are already doing. In what ways do they already possess the qualities of their imagined future self? What are they already doing that comports with their values? My family and I have long done a handful of consistent things that won’t change, like volunteering with our public schools and at church, annual financial donations, board service at nonprofits, etc. I encourage you to write down a “done list” of what you are already doing to create good in the world. This is not to give yourself a superficial gold star, although if that gives you a boost, you have permission to enjoy it! At its heart, a done list is to encourage you to understand that you already have within you the seeds of the person you want to become. When we realize this, we can focus more on the goodness of our present lives and less on buying the things we feel we need to accumulate to set the stage to someday become a “better” person.
At this time, what I have been doing does not feel like enough, and I have an awareness that I have the capacity to do more. If you don’t have that capacity right now, listen to yourself and do what you need to take care of yourself. One thing I’m struggling with at the moment is that I feel like I have to care about everything. And then I remember when I first started using prayer beads I was encouraged by the idea that people all over the world are constantly praying for people all over the world. The idea isn’t that I too need to start praying for everyone and everything but that instead it’s ok to pray for concentric circles of issues.
Circles of Care
This is what my concentric circles of activism currently look like: additional authentic care 1) at my center, 2) in my local community, and 3) beyond. For me, additional care at the center looks like taking better care of my physical health. When I am stressed or time is crunched, the space between knowing and doing can get too wide. I know that for my optimal health, I need to eat really healthily, have near-daily movement, and have spacious time to think (this goes back to pillars of support). I can’t do anything in any wider circle if I don’t take care of the center.
The “in my local community” piece is increasingly important right now. In “The Anti-Social Century,” Derek Thompson makes a compelling argument about the importance of this middle circle: “Home-based, phone-based culture has arguably solidified our closest and most distant connections, the inner ring of family and best friends (bound by blood and intimacy) and the outer ring of tribe (linked by shared affinities). But it’s wreaking havoc on the middle ring of ‘familiar but not intimate’ relationships with the people who live around us. Families teach us love, and tribes teach us loyalty. The village teaches us tolerance.” The strongest ties I have to my local community are school and church, and I want to increase my ties to other areas. So, I am starting to volunteer as a spiritual caregiver at a hospice and home health care center. This may not look like the political activism we might imagine, but it is support of my community with particular gifts that I already possess and can grow.
I am still working through the beyond category. I have been making calls to my local electeds, but I don’t feel like it’s enough; thankfully some of them are doing great, difficult work. I have been engaging more in my online Substack communities, instead of just passively reading information, which has been surprisingly rewarding and rich. I am listening, considering a multitude of perspectives, and crying in empathy. I am not going to spend my days wading through crap, but I am also not going to hunker down and rely on my privilege to get me through (wildfires and other disasters have a way of ignoring privilege anyway). I will be present to this time so that I can be appropriately changed and shaped by it and become the person both the current moment and the future needs.
I’d love to hear how you’re doing right now. What does your done list look like? Are you looking to increase your offering of care at your center, in your community, or beyond? Drop me a note about what that looks and feels like for you right now!
Thank you to my dear Aunt Lynn, who always made sure to connect with me following a newsletter. I love you and will miss you forever.
Happy 11th birthday, Ramona. xo
